& that means, he'll still be in your heart?

So yesterday I had a family picnic, with all my cousins.  We sat and ate, and played around at the park.  One of my cousins, he's older than me, has 3 daughters, and a wife.  He's going to Iraq, as a mercenary, for 7 months.  His youngest daughter is a year old, and his oldest is 4.  My cousin was explaining to me how he was telling his oldest about his trip so far away, for such a long time.  He had said that she already had an idea of what was to go on.  And she was telling him about her grandpa (his dad) who lives in Utah, and she said "You'll still be in my heart, like your dad lives so far away, and is still in your heart."  So, I teared up a little, this 4 year old girl, trying to deal with such a difficult thing, something I wouldn't even at my own age, wouldn't be able to handle.   

Wizbang, westwood, traff.

So today, I drove up to Westwood, and met up with Chinako, and we talked, laughed, and almost cried, maybe we did?  I don't remember.  Anyway, it was definitely needed, because this whole week, i've been on the floor.  And a little sad.  But, i've come to realization, that if you aren't upfront about things, and the way you feel, it really can hurt a person inside.  Both ways.  And relationships, rather it be a friend relationship, or significant other type of deal, it's a give and take thing. 

_______________

I am censored by my Mother.

goodnight.

geez,

Honest to Blog?

Today my senior class went to Universal Studios, I decided to stay home from that, because, well, Universal Studios is sketch. and a waste of money.  So I had originally planned on driving down to Huntington and taking pictures along PCH and what not.  But before that I went over to Amanda's house in the morning, and hung out with her and Julie.  After a few hours I decided to drive on down there.  Whenever I drive to Huntington I always pass a "USED CAMERA" store, and i've always wanted to go in and check it out, since I had time today, I finally was able to.  I was just browsing, honestly not looking for anything, and the guy who was working was kind enough to answer my 20 questions about the wide angle lens/fish eye.  He let me try out a fish eye lens, and was telling me about this certain one, and told me it was rare, and that he couldn't believe someone had brought it in.  I had some extra cash, and i've always wanted to buy a fish eye, and it seemed like a good time to finally purchase one.  Funny how things happen like that.  After I left the store, I walked over to the park across the way, and played around a little, then I tried to go to the Huntington dog beach, but there was too much traffic, so I decided to drive on down to Balboa, which by the way, i'm not a huge fan of, but today for some reason it was different. 

PEASH.

my freaking life.

I'm currently feeling emotions right now, crying as I'm writing this, like a human being... I've been told that that's a good thing.  Tears have filled my eyes, and it was fine before when I  was with Cookie and Chinako on the way home from Arizona.  But, i'm just alone and sad now.

My four whole years in high school, have all led up to the next few months.  I don't know what to say, or how to say it, so this is going to sound dumb.  

I'm 17, I was 14 when i started listening to mae.  I don't know how to put it, but they have effected my life so much.  From their lyrics/music to the people i've met, Cookie and Chinako,  i can't express how much you both have helped me with my random time in life/struggle.  You guys understand everything and are both amazing people.  Chinako, i want everything to work out, I need you to please do everything to help make it work.  I know you think other wise, but, i really want to see this work, i'm so sad about it right now, the both of you, please.  Cookie, you are really my sister, i'm serious, you are full of insight, and are helping me not turn into a loser.  When you told me about when you were driving away from vegas, and you had turned around and realized that everything would be different, that's how i felt today, you guys have no idea how these whole four days really have changed my life.  FYI, i'm sobbing worse than in the car right now.  Honestly you are the two best people that i know.  Cliche or not, i swear to you that if i ever let myself loose you guys as friends, I would die. 

 & Dear benj/dad, i'm glad you guys adopted me before I turn 18.  Anyway, for me, and I'm pretty sure it goes for Chinako and Cookie as well, you had our night end on an awesome note, and made me feel a little bit better about being a teenager in todays freaking world.  I hope you know that you are a good guy, and have a good heart.  Thanks.

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied.

I wish my mood matched my photo above.  Today has been rough, i'm waiting for an hour to pass so i can depart from my house and get on my way to Los Angeles to go watch Mae preform.  Today kind of sucks, i'm stressed out, and my eyes are swollen like no other, i look like i've received 1 hour of sleep, and i might just pass out.  I hope tonight is good, as is the next three days.

Goodbye.

weekend ended.

I went to the OC swap meet, walked around, purchased some 70's sunglasses.  Later on I went to the Angels vs. Texas Rangers game, it was awesome.  My dad and brother always have the good seats, right behind the angels dugout, my sister and i were stuck outfield, still pretty decent seats by vladdy.  anyway,  it was fun, i enjoyed it.  And tonight i'm going to the Rolling Stones in IMAX, with my dad.  

I don't want next week to come, and I don't want it to end.

<3lata.

Danceeee-ish@#$#^%&.

School at 9:30, and I have time to kill. Alrightty, I hate school, I have to serve two detentions by friday before i get a saturday school, because i'm normal and never want to go back to 5th period, not my fault. Anyway, i've been wanting to graduate more than anything right now, can this just happen already? Anyway, turkish goldsss at 8 in the morning are the best, by the way. In english i'm supposed to research a person, we're like writing a paper and doing this whole project about them. I'm torn between John Lennon and Gandhi... Or maybe Syd Barret, either way, i'm looking forward to it a little. Whatever... There is this movie that i want to see, Darjeeling Limited, it looks really good. In film analysis, we're watching the Star Wars trilogy, and comparing it to the movie, American Grafiti, i was mostly absent for the American Grafiti film, but it's neat to see all the different themes Star Wars had, like relgions, brotherhood, letting go, etc. Anyway, i'm going to go and listen to some Meg & Dia, the besttttt.

<3